Okay, so....

I did it! Completed my course-work on Dec 17th... tested a month later. Because of the holiday fanfare, I entered January feeling as if I hadn't learned a thing about real estate. I'd fortgotten everything I learned in school.

So... I studied. I studied until the words went blurry (might have been the vodka). I studied until I got to the point that every new definition I memorized pushed another important factoid out of my head.

Listening to Zeppelin on the half-hour trip to the testing site. "In The Light" came on first:

And if you feel that you can't go on. And your will's sinkin' low
Just believe and you can't go wrong.
In the light you will find the road. You will find the road

I took a water bottle filled with green tea and vodka into the testing site. Didn't drink any, but I brought it because I felt so uncomfortable, nervous, and ill-prepared. Despite (or maybe because of) studying my balls off, I felt overwhelmed. I was comparing myself to Linus, the Peanuts character. I had no intention of using booze, but I needed a security blanket.

I was really fucking stressed out. I woke up at three a.m. the day of the test, and I couldn't go back to bed for fear of over-sleeping. I had cramps and diarrhea. I take stress very physically, which just proves that I've been living in my own little world for far too long.

It wasn't about the test. This wasn't about an exam that I could take over and over again for a nominal fee of $120.00 a pop. No, sir. In my head this test had become a huge turning point. It had the power to redefine me and recover me...

Passing this test was going to give me permission to fire Rachael the reclusive house marm and drag her out of the lonely comfort zone once and all!

EVERYone knew my testing. I was advised to keep it secret (to reduce stress), but I'm a fucking big-mouth and I told everyone.

I passed - yay! I scored an 82% on the state portion and a 99% on the national! Nobody else I graduated with passed both portions on their first attempt. Not only that, but I obtained two listings my first week on the job! Complete strangers whose houses had expired on the MLS... and I set the appointments and captured their signatures... all the while thanking them for giving me the opportunity (I was honest about my new-ness to the business).

By the way, things on the marriage front are rocking and rolling in all the right ways! Hubby has been SOO supportive through this whole process: helping me study, bringing me breakfast in bed ('cause I'd go to sleep with a book, wake up, brush my teeth, and get back to reading with no thought of food). Mr. Rachael has his flaws... but he really stepped up to the plate on this one and our bond has deepened as a result. Maybe that's what I needed all these years... just to know that he had my back.

Peace and Love,

Rachael